Story Slam 2018

Yorkton Story Slam is a program presented through the partnership of the Parkland Writers Alliance, the Yorkton Public Library and the Yorkton Arts Council.

The story-telling competition was held October 17, 2018 in the Yorkton Public Library. The winner was Donna Kirk for her story What the Health:

NUMBER 41 PLEASE! I look at my ticket number. It's number 65! Sigh.

I’m in admissions at a hospital. The anticipation of how fast my number will be called is undeterminable.
Health.  My health relies on numbers sometimes.

Lately it seems every time I walk into a hospital and they have a ticket number counter that you have to pull a piece of paper or the ticket and it has a number. It is supposed to easily tear off. I pull too quick and it gives me 5 ticket numbers (embarrassed).

The next time I go it happens to me again. It's like I need to be trained somehow at pulling a ticket out of these counter machines. Sheesh.

Yes, what the heck?  What the health? I am back in school. I take tests and I fail a lot. What is up with that, I ask? Four times a year I go to a hospital lab and I take a number and wait for my specific number to be called. Then they make sure I have my wrist tag on and it is actually me. Okay, Kindergarten memories.

Go pee in a bottle? Sounds fun. How many times have I done this? The fun in that is I get to carry my bottle of pee and put it in the fridge with other pee bottles.  

I sit down and wait and then my name is called and they look at my wrist name tag, oh, I mean wrist bracelet – yes, I’ll call it that. Sounds better.  You are Donna? Yes. And your birthdate is? Yes... Kindergarten. The time for taking blood is up on me and then they ask me an intelligent question like… which arm?  I say right arm only. I’m experienced. I’ve done this before.

Oh, and I have an instruction sheet that the doctor prints off for me every year and I have to hang onto that sheet and pass it the hospital every three months to the lab “techs”.  It’s like, here is my page of squares and check marks. I hope I pass this time! I feel like I have done something wrong? Am I bad if I have high blood pressure and then, oops, I also have high blood sugar? No, not really, but I feel that way quite often.

Let’s get back to this health life I’m practicing to improve.  I have quality of life now.

I want to pass all my lab numbers! I sit in the doctor's office and wait for him to pop up my lab results on his computer screen and tell me if I passed or failed for my blood pressure then cholesterol and then blood sugar. He gives me the numbers (again more numbers). I need to study harder! Eat better, exercise and make sure my body can move and perform all that is required in exercise and daily life.

Now what about exercise?  Is sitting in a yogi seated position an exercise, or maybe standing in the kitchen preparing food for meals?  No, not enough.  Say what?  Speed up my metabolism? A big word and they say it means I am slowing down and too sedentary. 

“Hello!  Metabolism, what is happening? I never have been told you were a problem before. Now come on let’s get this metabolism sped up!”

Do lots of walking but not sauntering (hmmm)…  oh, I have to walk at moderate speed for 30 minutes, fast enough that it is somewhat harder to talk to someone beside you (being a little bit out of breath). Got it... panting but oh! Only for a mere 30 minutes and oh!  It says five days a week so that is 150 minutes a week.

I was told coffee speeds up metabolism. Something to think about. Laughing. Well I know for a fact that socializing is very healthy and it is way easier to talk to someone and drink coffee beside me without panting.  Am I wrong?
I have to get my 30 minutes of exercise in so wait for me at coffee time.  Or better yet don't start socializing and having fun until I get there.

Now I am exercising several times a week and I’m hungrier than ever. What no bread? Quinoa yes, kale yes,  yogurt in moderation and  ice cream? No! Can I still drink coffee? Yes, coffee is good! Water is good! Watch the carbs as all those breads and potatoes convert to sugar once in my digestive system. Sugary foods, is sugar in my system but hello carbs!  What the health are you doing to me!

 
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